Within my soul there are dreams

It is no secret to myself that I left part of my soul in the streets of Mumbia, part of my heart in the mountains of Nepal, part of my health in the hospital of Kathmandu, and part of my innocence at the sights, the experiences of India as a whole.

Sometimes I can smell the streets, hear the crowds from my apartment above the streets below, feel the excitement of so many people in such small spaces.

I struggle, daily, to remain content in America. So stay put, not prone to wander or travel to the ends of the earth like I so desire.

The wind blows and I want to be a part of that wind. Soaring open, everything set free.

Why is it that we have these bodies that bind us? What is our purpose if not to push our bodily limits and strive for the fullest life that can be attained...

Why is it that we have limitations that bind us? Money, social status, your spot in the world...some have to struggle so hard to attain the things that others take for granted every single day.

Yet they have taught me happiness; these are the people whom love deeply, give of what little they do posses.

I long to be free of the trivial things. On my commute to school, to work, to home, I pass so many things that I am ashamed make up the society that I am a part of. Why do we create so many things to bind us down?

Dreams are what hold me while I bind myself to school and build up a foundation for a life that can free people from these trivial things. To give back to others who have gone before me.

Robert Frost explained it well in one of my favorite poems:

LOVE has earth to which she clings

With hills and circling arms about—

Wall within wall to shut fear out.

But Thought has need of no such things,

For Thought has a pair of dauntless wings.

On snow and sand and turf, I see

Where Love has left a printed trace

With straining in the world’s embrace.

And such is Love and glad to be.

But Thought has shaken his ankles free.

Thought cleaves the interstellar gloom

And sits in Sirius’ disc all night,

Till day makes him retrace his flight,

With smell of burning on every plume,

Back past the sun to an earthly room.

His gains in heaven are what they are.

Yet some say Love by being thrall

And simply staying possesses all

In several beauty that Thought fares far

To find fused in another star.

- Robert Frost "Bound and Free" 

So I continue on, another day, another test of my knowledge, patience, and devotion - to the dreams within my soul.

2/22/2013

While sorting papers I just found this from a journal entry dated 2/22/2013

"I've arrived at a point in my life where I am so completely happy. Yeah, I wish my boyfriend didn't live 7 hours away - but I know that potentially we will have the rest of our lives to spend together and that our young love and commitment to each other is capable of sustaining us in this season of being apart. Sometimes I wish I were done with school - and yet I love school, I love learning...I will remain satisfied. I wish I could travel more, dream less...but my dreams are what push me to work hard enough to be able to do all that I desire to accomplish.

I've always struggled with the balance between contentment and determination. Mostly with contentment - so I had it tattooed on my arm, just as a reminder. I need that balance...pushing, staying, pulling; giving, living, receiving...whatever you're doing being satisfied."

As I plug along at studying yet again I have to take a moment to be grateful for all the beautiful lives unfolding...

Spring

Growing up I never understood why, with the very first signs of spring – usually when the first songbird would come to visit our porch outside the kitchen window and sing a little tune, mom would burst into song herself with a cheerful “Laaaaaaa, LAAAAAA la la la LAAAA…” If the day showed any promise of warmth she would run to the laundry room and gather up everything out of the washer, throwing open the windows and leaving the door open after her as she hung the articles outside and left them to flapping merrily in the breeze. As entertained as I was watching my mom freak out about spring, I still thought she was always just a little weird. Embarrassing too – I bet the neighbors across every field could hear; sound traveled great in our little valley.

Some things you don’t realize until you’re older and definitely don’t appreciate as much either. For me, in this particular area of my life, the realization came suddenly one morning last weekend when a little songbird woke me up as the sun came slipping through my curtains. I jumped out of bed, threw open my porch door and greeted the day with a “LAAAAA la la la LAAAA…” I just couldn’t resist! And then I was laughing – who is the weird one now? I have hundreds more neighbors in Portland than our little country abode to wake up with my embarrassing spring song. 

Every day the mornings are a little brighter when I make my way to school and the sun a little warmer. My heart is soaring. Being in love probably has something to do with it…I am so happy, so content, and I feel so free to dream all that I’ve ever wanted to dream. This is spring – I’m going out to enjoy it.