While sorting papers I just found this from a journal entry dated 2/22/2013
"I've arrived at a point in my life where I am so completely happy. Yeah, I wish my boyfriend didn't live 7 hours away - but I know that potentially we will have the rest of our lives to spend together and that our young love and commitment to each other is capable of sustaining us in this season of being apart. Sometimes I wish I were done with school - and yet I love school, I love learning...I will remain satisfied. I wish I could travel more, dream less...but my dreams are what push me to work hard enough to be able to do all that I desire to accomplish.
I've always struggled with the balance between contentment and determination. Mostly with contentment - so I had it tattooed on my arm, just as a reminder. I need that balance...pushing, staying, pulling; giving, living, receiving...whatever you're doing being satisfied."
As I plug along at studying yet again I have to take a moment to be grateful for all the beautiful lives unfolding...
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Sunday, February 17, 2013
Spring
Growing up I never understood why,
with the very first signs of spring – usually when the first songbird would
come to visit our porch outside the kitchen window and sing a little tune, mom
would burst into song herself with a cheerful “Laaaaaaa, LAAAAAA la la la
LAAAA…” If the day showed any promise of warmth she would run to the laundry
room and gather up everything out of the washer, throwing open the windows and
leaving the door open after her as she hung the articles outside and left them
to flapping merrily in the breeze. As entertained as I was watching my mom
freak out about spring, I still thought she was always just a little weird.
Embarrassing too – I bet the neighbors across every field could hear; sound
traveled great in our little valley.
Some things you don’t realize until
you’re older and definitely don’t appreciate as much either. For me, in this
particular area of my life, the realization came suddenly one morning last
weekend when a little songbird woke me up as the sun came slipping through my
curtains. I jumped out of bed, threw open my porch door and greeted the day
with a “LAAAAA la la la LAAAA…” I just couldn’t resist! And then I was laughing
– who is the weird one now? I have hundreds more neighbors in Portland than our
little country abode to wake up with my embarrassing spring song.
Every day the mornings are a little
brighter when I make my way to school and the sun a little warmer. My heart is
soaring. Being in love probably has something to do with it…I am so happy, so
content, and I feel so free to dream all that I’ve ever wanted to dream. This
is spring – I’m going out to enjoy it.
Sunday, December 2, 2012
Climbing so that I may soar
Friday night as I was working my 2nd job out of the three I worked this week I sleepily and grumpily did some calculations of all the hours I'd accumulated so far:
25 hours: classroom
30 hours: work
20 hours: studying
10 hours: climbing
...and that wasn't including the volunteering for a pilots breakfast on Saturday and the third job I was working Saturday evening - not to mention the 6-8 hours of studying/projects I had to work on as well.
This is probably the hardest I've ever worked in my life and I wondered why on earth I was doing all this...I'm constantly tired, constantly burning energy and eating food, and constantly craving more coffee.
But Saturday morning after the breakfast I had the opportunity to fly, and I remembered. This is why I'm living this crazy life... so that I can be free; so that I can fly. Also, the pilot who took me up asked if I'd like to help him work on fixing his glider in exchange for gliding lessons! WHAT?! (awesome)
It was almost a whole year ago that I had to come up with a backup plan in case I couldn't start flying like I'd hoped, and now I'm doing that plan - but its progress. Progress.
I am climbing; one day at a time. Sometimes when I'm climbing I get tired and I give up; I climb down and save it for another time. But today all I have to remember is that when I get to the top of this mountain I am not climbing back down, nope: I'm flying.
So I go onward. Forward. Upward.
I am growing stronger.
25 hours: classroom30 hours: work
20 hours: studying
10 hours: climbing
...and that wasn't including the volunteering for a pilots breakfast on Saturday and the third job I was working Saturday evening - not to mention the 6-8 hours of studying/projects I had to work on as well.
This is probably the hardest I've ever worked in my life and I wondered why on earth I was doing all this...I'm constantly tired, constantly burning energy and eating food, and constantly craving more coffee.
But Saturday morning after the breakfast I had the opportunity to fly, and I remembered. This is why I'm living this crazy life... so that I can be free; so that I can fly. Also, the pilot who took me up asked if I'd like to help him work on fixing his glider in exchange for gliding lessons! WHAT?! (awesome)
It was almost a whole year ago that I had to come up with a backup plan in case I couldn't start flying like I'd hoped, and now I'm doing that plan - but its progress. Progress.
I am climbing; one day at a time. Sometimes when I'm climbing I get tired and I give up; I climb down and save it for another time. But today all I have to remember is that when I get to the top of this mountain I am not climbing back down, nope: I'm flying.
So I go onward. Forward. Upward.
I am growing stronger.
Saturday, October 13, 2012
rain
It rained yesterday and it was wonderful. The earth was still sleeping when I drove to school. The clouds were thick and deliciously chilly, but no rain (I was dissapointed because - a. I wanted to wear rain boots and - b. I promised myself the first day it rained this fall I would go buy a fish). Then at 9am in the morning as I was sitting in my classroom working out a problem with a couple of classmates, magically, it began to rain. During break I took up all the blinds and donned the sweater in my bag. We had a midterm at 9:30a and every time I had to think really, really hard for an answer, I would look out the window and watch the rain. Magic is rain and rain is magic - of this I am quite certain, because every time I watched the rain, just like that, the answer would come. Test over, we started talking about the engineers of the airplane: my favorite part so far - drawing! But, as excited as I was, I could not stop wishing that I could be playing in the rain, that my dear boyfriend would be home for dinner, and that class would get out.
Work was amazing. Tommy (the 7-yr old I nanny) and I went to buy me a fish. We walked three blocks to the fish store from my car : simply because I wanted to walk in the rain. . . poor Tommy. While we there he surprised me...a fish tank was overflowing and Tommy made it his personal business to make sure they knew of the disaster that was flooding their store. It was so adorable, he is such a big talking little man, but the most sensitive, loving little guy I have ever known. We played legos and drank hot drinks all afternoon and talked made up stories for our lego creations...reminded me of all those fun evenings with my siblings playing legos with the rain falling outside and the fire crackling in the hearth when dad would be working and mom making dinner. So fun.
My friend Bonnie, and I made soup this week which was also nostalgic. I love the fall...it makes me love those who are dear to me and miss the ones who are far away.
I'm taking Addison and Sydnie (the girls I used to nanny) to a Halloween party next weekend and I am so excited. They are dressing up as Snow white and Ariel so I am going to wear a tiara and my prettiest "princess dress". Haha, I am so excited.
Today I did nothing. Well, I went climbing - but that is as relaxing as doing nothing...lately its been hard to do anything but homework and finally collapse into bed when I get home so its very nice to do...nothing, and to climb.
Tomorrow I will have ten hours of homework I am sure. . . but for the rest of the night I am going to do laundry, listen to music, and make a menu for the month - I am going to do absolutely nothing that has to do with airplanes and flying.
Work was amazing. Tommy (the 7-yr old I nanny) and I went to buy me a fish. We walked three blocks to the fish store from my car : simply because I wanted to walk in the rain. . . poor Tommy. While we there he surprised me...a fish tank was overflowing and Tommy made it his personal business to make sure they knew of the disaster that was flooding their store. It was so adorable, he is such a big talking little man, but the most sensitive, loving little guy I have ever known. We played legos and drank hot drinks all afternoon and talked made up stories for our lego creations...reminded me of all those fun evenings with my siblings playing legos with the rain falling outside and the fire crackling in the hearth when dad would be working and mom making dinner. So fun.
My friend Bonnie, and I made soup this week which was also nostalgic. I love the fall...it makes me love those who are dear to me and miss the ones who are far away.
I'm taking Addison and Sydnie (the girls I used to nanny) to a Halloween party next weekend and I am so excited. They are dressing up as Snow white and Ariel so I am going to wear a tiara and my prettiest "princess dress". Haha, I am so excited.
Today I did nothing. Well, I went climbing - but that is as relaxing as doing nothing...lately its been hard to do anything but homework and finally collapse into bed when I get home so its very nice to do...nothing, and to climb.
Tomorrow I will have ten hours of homework I am sure. . . but for the rest of the night I am going to do laundry, listen to music, and make a menu for the month - I am going to do absolutely nothing that has to do with airplanes and flying.
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Love, Hope, and Joy
A couple months ago I had a few friends sit down with me and write
down every emotion we were feeling at the moment. I found my list
tonight and I thought I'd share because its a good list of words...and because I still feel the same way about life...
Life is beautiful when there is love, hope, joy in it. <3
- Happy
- Content
- Driven
- Focused
- Relaxed
- Beautiful
- Loved
- Secure
- Overwhelmed
- Excited
- Strong
- In love with the people in my life. Those who are honest and deeply care about me - and I them.
Life is beautiful when there is love, hope, joy in it. <3
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
To Do List:
Sometimes, just so that I can think straight, I write a list. Today I am going to publish this list, well, because - writing is one of the things on it . . .
Today I didn't want to do anything with my life but lay in bed and sleep. . .but I slowly and painfully pulled myself through the day and told myself that tonight, I MUST rest. Its just that I find it so hard to slow down. There is always something I have to be doing, somewhere I need to be going - and now, I must catch my breath.
I can cross one thing off my list - Drink tea, lay in bed, and write.
But, I'd like to cross off another - Put together meteorology presentation, study for final. ...So off I am to research the faraway land!
- School Things:
- Put together meteorology presentation, study for final
- Read rest of flying book and write a response paper
- Math homework, study for final
- Aviation project presentation
- Fly!
- Life things
- Climb for birthday, celebrate my shoulder healing!
- Drink tea, lay in bed, and write
- Work on Caitis wedding present, plan for trip
- Buy black & white film for David and Tara's wedding party
- Finish fixing motorcycle and take her for a spin!
- Buy tools
- Bike
- Cook dinner; scallops - make Kelly teach me his trick
- Find a way to tell Bill how happy I am he helped me fix my car
- Family things
- Visit my nephews (and sis)
- Seattle this weekend - cousins wedding party & Idaho fam will be there!
- Plan camping trip with Hannah
- Talk Caleb into going to Panama with me
- Take dad on tour of hanger
Today I didn't want to do anything with my life but lay in bed and sleep. . .but I slowly and painfully pulled myself through the day and told myself that tonight, I MUST rest. Its just that I find it so hard to slow down. There is always something I have to be doing, somewhere I need to be going - and now, I must catch my breath.
I can cross one thing off my list - Drink tea, lay in bed, and write.
But, I'd like to cross off another - Put together meteorology presentation, study for final. ...So off I am to research the faraway land!
Saturday, April 14, 2012
sooner or later...
"We were all given two ears and one mouth, and they should be used in those proportions." - 80 year old Jean Schiffman, pilot for over 60 years.
"Bravery can be kind of an abstract concept - there are always anxious times when learning to fly. That is very normal and will keep you out of trouble. As you gain experience you become more confident." - My Intro to Aviation Teacher
You know the best part of today? Turning on a radio transceiver in a room full of pilots only to watch every face turn to smiles and every head turn to the window to look for flying weather - pilot young or old, you hear an airband and, apparently, you get excited for take-off.
I am not learning how to fly, no. I haven't even started mechanic school. But the wisdom I have gleaned in the past two weeks and the excited energy from everyone I meet is confirmation enough to me that I am where I was created to be. Eager to learn, ready for wisdom, I will take flight . . . sooner or later.
"Bravery can be kind of an abstract concept - there are always anxious times when learning to fly. That is very normal and will keep you out of trouble. As you gain experience you become more confident." - My Intro to Aviation Teacher
You know the best part of today? Turning on a radio transceiver in a room full of pilots only to watch every face turn to smiles and every head turn to the window to look for flying weather - pilot young or old, you hear an airband and, apparently, you get excited for take-off.
I am not learning how to fly, no. I haven't even started mechanic school. But the wisdom I have gleaned in the past two weeks and the excited energy from everyone I meet is confirmation enough to me that I am where I was created to be. Eager to learn, ready for wisdom, I will take flight . . . sooner or later.
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