rain

It rained yesterday and it was wonderful. The earth was still sleeping when I drove to school. The clouds were thick and deliciously chilly, but no rain (I was dissapointed because - a. I wanted to wear rain boots and - b. I promised myself the first day it rained this fall I would go buy a fish). Then at 9am in the morning as I was sitting in my classroom working out a problem with a couple of classmates, magically, it began to rain. During break I took up all the blinds and donned the sweater in my bag. We had a midterm at 9:30a and every time I had to think really, really hard for an answer, I would look out the window and watch the rain. Magic is rain and rain is magic - of this I am quite certain, because every time I watched the rain, just like that, the answer would come. Test over, we started talking about the engineers of the airplane: my favorite part so far - drawing! But, as excited as I was, I could not stop wishing that I could be playing in the rain, that my dear boyfriend would be home for dinner, and that class would get out.

Work was amazing. Tommy (the 7-yr old I nanny) and I went to buy me a fish. We walked three blocks to the fish store from my car : simply because I wanted to walk in the rain. . . poor Tommy. While we there he surprised me...a fish tank was overflowing and Tommy made it his personal business to make sure they knew of the disaster that was flooding their store. It was so adorable, he is such a big talking little man, but the most sensitive, loving little guy I have ever known. We played legos and drank hot drinks all afternoon and talked made up stories for our lego creations...reminded me of all those fun evenings with my siblings playing legos with the rain falling outside and the fire crackling in the hearth when dad would be working and mom making dinner. So fun.

My friend Bonnie, and I made soup this week which was also nostalgic. I love the fall...it makes me love those who are dear to me and miss the ones who are far away.

I'm taking Addison and Sydnie (the girls I used to nanny) to a Halloween party next weekend and I am so excited. They are dressing up as Snow white and Ariel so I am going to wear a tiara and my prettiest "princess dress". Haha, I am so excited.

Today I did nothing. Well, I went climbing - but that is as relaxing as doing nothing...lately its been hard to do anything but homework and finally collapse into bed when I get home so its very nice to do...nothing, and to climb.

Tomorrow I will have ten hours of homework I am sure. . . but for the rest of the night I am going to do laundry, listen to music, and make a menu for the month - I am going to do absolutely nothing that has to do with airplanes and flying.

Love, Hope, and Joy

A couple months ago I had a few friends sit down with me and write down every emotion we were feeling at the moment. I found my list tonight and I thought I'd share because its a good list of words...and because I still feel the same way about life...

1. Happy
2. Content
3. Driven 
4. Focused
5. Relaxed
6. Beautiful
7. Loved
8. Secure
9. Overwhelmed
10. Excited
11. Strong
12. In love with the people in my life. Those who are honest and deeply care about me - and I them.

...only I'd like to add a couple of words: - stable and - blessed.


Life is beautiful when there is love, hope, joy in it. <3

To Do List:

Sometimes, just so that I can think straight, I write a list. Today I am going to publish this list, well, because - writing is one of the things on it . . .

• School Things:

• Put together meteorology presentation, study for final
• Read rest of flying book and write a response paper
• Math homework, study for final
• Aviation project presentation
• Fly!

• Life things
• Climb for birthday, celebrate my shoulder healing!
• Drink tea, lay in bed, and write
• Work on Caitis wedding present, plan for trip 
• Buy black & white film for David and Tara's wedding party
• Finish fixing motorcycle and take her for a spin!
• Buy tools
• Bike
• Cook dinner; scallops - make Kelly teach me his trick
• Find a way to tell Bill how happy I am he helped me fix my car

• Family things
• Visit my nephews (and sis)
• Seattle this weekend - cousins wedding party & Idaho fam will be there!
•  Plan camping trip with Hannah
• Talk Caleb into going to Panama with me
• Take dad on tour of hanger

Today I didn't want to do anything with my life but lay in bed and sleep. . .but I slowly and painfully pulled myself through the day and told myself that tonight, I MUST rest. Its just that I find it so hard to slow down. There is always something I have to be doing, somewhere I need to be going - and now, I must catch my breath.

I can cross one thing off my list - Drink tea, lay in bed, and write.
But, I'd like to cross off another - Put together meteorology presentation, study for final. ...So off I am to research the faraway land!

sooner or later...

"We were all given two ears and one mouth, and they should be used in those proportions." - 80 year old Jean Schiffman, pilot for over 60 years.

"Bravery can be kind of an abstract concept - there are always anxious times when learning to fly. That is very normal and will keep you out of trouble. As you gain experience you become more confident." - My Intro to Aviation Teacher


You know the best part of today? Turning on a radio transceiver in a room full of pilots only to watch every face turn to smiles and every head turn to the window to look for flying weather - pilot young or old, you hear an airband and, apparently, you get excited for take-off.

I am not learning how to fly, no. I haven't even started mechanic school. But the wisdom I have gleaned in the past two weeks and the excited energy from everyone I meet is confirmation enough to me that I am where I was created to be. Eager to learn, ready for wisdom, I will take flight . . . sooner or later.

...today I felt as though I could fly

Today I...woke up @7:30am & did homework, made smoothies and coffee with Charis while watching The Office, sewed a little dress for the 5yr old that I nanny (her birthday is this week), cleaned the house from head to foot (including organizing my dreaded closet & laundry), acupuncture (nap included) with my roommate Charli, whose car tire I failed at attempting to fill up with air - afterwards wondering how I'll ever be a mechanic (this is a new story in my life and details will be to follow). I then talked with Caiti while she bought tickets to Portland in two weeks (YAY, it'll be Spring break and we're going to Canada! WHOOT!), researched what else I need to get in order for school, found $40 (in my closet),  and then shared a beer (and a 1/2) with my friend Chris while talking about days of past - which I realized after he left is in celebration of my third March living in Portland! I haven't been in one spot for this long in a while and it feels weird...but, I'm starting to enjoy it here.

The day has come to an end and I sit here reflecting on it in joy of what it brought...and tomorrow looks just as exciting - Math class at 8am, bouldering for a few hours, weight-lifting, lunch, homework, work, out to dinner with Charli and our neighbors, homework, bed...I like having a schedule filled with so many wonderful things.

And I have something to look forward to: I've been writing about wanting to become a pilot...well, this is not coming together and as the deadlines were fast approaching to start the program by Spring I decided I must come up with a plan B - which for now is the road I am taking: I have decided to become an "Aviation Maintenance Technician". A couple weeks ago I had a tour of the hangar where classes are held and fell in love with what I saw and who I met. About 10 airplanes were scattered about with various students after the morning classes working on a few of them - practicing what they'd learned that day. I was jealous...it looks like so much fun! And there is a painting room...a parts testing room that looks like a dark room, and an awesome section that looks like a giant sewing and button machine  - it is rad. To top it off I've taken every necessary class to get in - all I need is my intro course (next term) and $1,500 worth of tools (its going to be like Christmas in my house soon - I cannot wait to go tool shopping! So exciting!). The only thing that scares me is that there are very few girls who apply. I in fact could be the only woman all year...that'd be odd.

My adviser was awesome but didn't fail to tell me multiple times that this program is not easy and that I had to be serious if I was going to keep up with all the classes...I think I am ready for the challenge: I need a challenge. And, in two years - when I graduate -  I am going to get a AMT job on an airport, live with family and save every single penny to become a pilot . . . I cannot wait to be a mechanic technician and to someday be a pilot. I cannot wait to be a flower gardener, a pop-corn cook for my own business, maybe be an adoptive mom, maybe a photographer. I cannot wait to travel and go on adventures - probably tomorrow - and to laugh as much as today...

...today I felt as though I could fly

Finding Beauty

You know the feeling of being disappointed? In people you know, you're own expectations, school being more difficult than you want it to be, or a job that just isn't going where you hoped that it would?

Stop.

Find some beauty: in yourself; take care of yourself, push yourself to the limit, never stop pushing yourself. Find beauty in others: get to know someone; ask questions, be curious, go out on random adventures, get out of town, save money, live: simply live.

Be renewed. Change your attitude.

{You have just read my daily prep-talk that I read . . . to myself}

Determined to become all that I am

I always want to be inspired.

Sometimes I find normal life mundane.

I love to go to school, only I want to be challenged more.

I find it sad when I get impatient, because life is being patient with me.

Sometimes I find little things exciting (like fixing my car or making a paycheck...) but all too often I forget to feel grateful.

I want to be grateful.

I want always to find balance – to grow and change, but always, always remain: content.

Determined. And content.